I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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