Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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