No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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