so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
