Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
