a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize