his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
