The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Did you pee in the oven last night??
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
