Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
