is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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