Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I will die if light touches me.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
