Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Everything about him screamed your future.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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