I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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