i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
