I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
