this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
