xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize