He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
