first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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