I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize