When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
