on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
