My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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