he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
