ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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