She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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