last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize