My nipple is on Facebook.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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