ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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