Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
