just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
