I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
