I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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