he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
