Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
But theres a keg here and me gusta
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
