You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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