Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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