Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
