I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
