if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
