She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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