You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize