I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
