I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
