I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
