Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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