is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I love you. Go after that dick
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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