i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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