My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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