You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
