I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
it's like heaven, but drunker
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
