my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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