I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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