"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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