would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Randomize
