my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize