you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
