I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
3 2 1 whiskey
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
