Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
