i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
