If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
