on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
