we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
