I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
You can't motorboat a personality
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
