Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
organizing the empties. That sober.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize