I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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