Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
